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Women and India's Future
I am firmly of opinion that
India's salvation depends on the sacrifice and enlightenment of her women. - H,
27-6-36, 153.
I had flattered myself that my
contribution to the women's cause definitely began with the discovery of
satyagraha. But the writer of the letter is of opinion that the fair sex
requires treatment different from men. It is so, I do not think any man will
find the correct solution. No matter how much he tries, he must fail because
nature has made him different from woman. Only the toad under the harrow knows
where it pinches him. Therefore ultimately woman will have to determine with
authority what she needs. My own opinion is that, just as fundamentally man and
woman are one, their problem must be one in essence. The soul in both is the
same. The two live the same life, have the same feelings. Each is a complement
of the other. The one cannot live without the other's active help.
But somehow or other man has
dominated woman from ages past., and so woman has developed an inferiority
complex. She has believed in the truth of man's interested teaching that she is
inferior to him. But the seers among men have recognized her equal status.
Nevertheless there is no doubt
that at some point there is bifurcation. Whilst both are fundamentally one, it
is also equally true that in the form there is a vital difference between the
two. Hence the vocations of the two must also be different. The duty of
motherhood, which the vast majority of women will always undertake, requires
qualities which man need not possess. She is passive, he is active. She is
essentially mistress of the house. He is the bread-winner. She is the keeper
and distributor of the bread. She is the care-taker in every sense of the term.
The art of bringing up the infants of the race is her special and sole
prerogative. Without her care the race must become extinct.
In my opinion it is degrading
both for man and woman that woman should be called upon or induced to forsake
the hearth and shoulder the rifle for the protection of that hearth. It is a
reversion to barbarity and the beginning of the end. In trying to ride the
horse that man rides, she brings herself and him down. The sin will be on man's
head for tempting or compelling his companion to desert her special calling.
There is as much bravery in keeping one's home in good order and condition as
there is in defending it against attack from without.
As I have watched millions of
peasants in their natural surroundings and as I watch them daily in little
Segaon, the natural division of spheres of work has forced itself on my
attention. There are no women black-smiths and carpenters. But men and women work
on the fields, the heaviest work being done by the males. The women deep and
manage the homes. They supplement the meagre resources of the family, but man
remains the main breadwinner.
The divisions of the spheres of
work being recognized, the general qualities and culture required are
practically the same for both the sexes.
My contribution to the great
problem lies in my presenting for acceptance truth and ahimsa in every walk of
life, whether for individuals or nations. I have hugged the hope that in this
woman will be the unquestioned leader and, having thus found her place in human
evolution, she will shed her inferiority complex. If she is able to do this
successfully, she must resolutely refuse to believe in the modern teaching that
everything is determined and regulated by the sex impulse. I fear I have put
the proposition rather clumsily. But I hope my meaning is clear. I do not know
that the millions of men who are taking an active part6 in the war are obsessed
by the sex specter. Nor are the peasants working together in their fields
worried or dominated by it. This is not to say or suggest that they are free
from the instinct implanted in man and woman. But it most certainly does not
dominate their lives as it seems to dominate the lives of those who are
saturated with the modern sex literature. Neither man nor woman has time for
such things when he or she is faced with the hard fact of living life in its
grim reality.
I have suggested in these columns
that woman is the incarnation of ahimsa. Ahimsa means infinite love, which
again means infinite capacity for suffering. Who but woman, the mother of man,
shows this capacity in the largest measure? She shows it as she carries the
infant and feeds it during nine months and derives joy in the suffering
involved. What can beat the suffering caused by the pangs of labour? But she
forgets them in the joy of creation. Who again suffers daily so that her babe
may wax from day to day? Let her transfer that love to the whole of humanity,
let her forget that she ever was or can be the object of man's lust. And she
will occupy her proud position by the side on man as his mother, maker and
silent leader. It is given to her to teach the art of peace to the warring
would thirsting for that nectar. She can become the leader in satyagraha which
does not require the learning that books give but does require the stout heart
that comes from suffering and faith.
My good nurse in the Sassoon
Hospital, Poona, as I was lying on a sick bed years ago, told me the story of a
woman who refused to take chloroform because she would not risk the life of the
babe she was carrying. She had to undergo a painful operation. The only
anesthetic she had was her love for the babe, to save whom no suffering was too
great. Let not women, who can count many such heroines among them, ever despise
their sex or deplore that they were not born men. The contemplation of that
heroine often makes me envy woman the status that is hers, if she only knew.
There is as much reason for man to with that he was born a woman as for woman
to do otherwise. But the wish is fruitless. Let us be happy in the state to
which we are born and do the duty for which nature has destined us. - H,
24-2-40, 13.
The Problem
I passionately desire the utmost
freedom for our women. I detest child marriages. I shudder to see a child
widow, and shiver with rage when a husband just widowed contracts with brutal
indifference another marriage. I deplore the criminal indifference of parents
who deep their daughters utterly ignorant and illiterate and bring them up only
f9r the purpose of marrying them off to some young man of means.
Notwithstanding all this grief and rage, I realize the difficulty of the
problem. Women must have votes and an equal legal status. But the problem does
not end there. It only commences at the point where women begin to affect the
political deliberations of the nation. - YI, 21-7-21, 229.
The Ideal of Marriage
The ideal that marriage aims at
is that of spiritual union through the physical. The human love that it
incarnates is intended to serve as a stepping stone to divine or universal
love. S.F.G-18
The wife is not the husband's
bond slave, but his companion and his helpmate, and an equal partner in all his
joys and sorrows- as free as the husband to choose her own path- Auto, 38.
Child Marriage
What is kanaka in the case of
little children? Has a father any rights of property over his children? He is
their protector not owner. And he forfeits the privilege of protection when he
abuses it by seeking to garter away the liberty of the ward.
The least that a parent, who has
so abused his trust as to give in marriage an infant to an old man in his dotage
or to a boy hardly in his teens, can do, is to purge himself of his sin by
remarrying his daughter when she becomes widowed. As I have said in a previous
note, such marriages should be declared null and void from the beginning. - YI,
11-11-26, 388.
You must be able surely to
control your lust to this extent, that you are not going to marry a girl that
is under 16 years age. If I could do so I would lay down 20 as the minimum.
Twenty years is early enough even in India. It is we who are responsible for
the precocity of the girls, not even the Indian climate, because I know girls
of the age of twenty who are pure and undefiled and able to stand the storm
that may rage round. Let us not hug that precocity to ourselves. Some Brahman
students tell me that they cannot follow this principle, that they cannot get
Brahman girls sixteen years old, very few Brahmans keep their daughters
unmarried till that age, the Brahman girls are married mostly before 10, 12 and
13 years. Then I say to the Brahman youth, "Cease to be a Brahman, if you
cannot possibly control yourself. Choose a grown up girl of 16 who became a
widow when she was a child. If you cannot get a Brahman widow who has reached
that age, then go and take any girl you like. And I tell you that the God of
the Hindus will pardon that boy who has preferred to marry out of his caste
rather than ravish a girl of twelve. When your heart is not pure and you cannot
master your passions, you cease to an educated man. You have called your
institution a premier institution. I want you to leave up to the name of the
premier institution which must produce boys who will occupy the front rank in
character. And what is education without character and what is character
without elementary personal purity? Brahmanism I adore. I have defended
Varnashrama Dharma. But Brahmanism that can tolerate untouchability, virgin
widowhood, spoliation of virgins, stinks in my nostrils. It is a parody of
Brahmanism. There is no knowledge of Brahman therein. There is no true
interpretation of the scriptures. It is undiluted animalism, Brahmanism is made
of sterner stuff. - YI, 15-9-27, 314.
The Dowry System
The system has to go. Marriage
must cease to be a matter of arrangement made by parents for money. The system
is intimately connected with caste. So long as the choice is restricted to a
few hundred-young men or young women of a particular caste, the system, will
persist no matter what is said against it. The girls or boys or their parents
will have to break the bonds of caste if the evil is to be eradicated. All this
means education of a character that will revolutionize the mentality of the
youth of the nation. - H, 23-5-36, 117.
There should be work done in the
schools and colleges and amongst the parents of girls. The parents should so
educate their daughters that they would refuse to marry a young man who wanted
a price for marrying and would rather remain spinsters than be party to the
degrading terms. The only honourable terms in marriage are mutual love and
mutual consent. - YI, 27-12-28, 431.
Q. Namashudra girls are generally
married at the age of 12 or 13; formerly the usual age was 8 or 9. The
bridegroom has to pay a dowry of Rs. 150 for the bride. The average difference
of age between the two is about 12 to 15 years. As a result of this the number
of widows in namashudra society is rather large. Among one section of the
caste, widow remarriage was prevalent. But in imitation of another section
which was looked upon as superior, the former are giving up that practice. What
is your advice regarding child marriage and widow remarriage?
A. Dealing with the question
Gandhiji said that his opinion was definite. In the first instance there should
be no possibility of child widows. He was averse to child marriages. It was an
evil custom which unfortunately the namashudras had perhaps taken from the
so-called higher castes.
Gandhiji was also against the
system of dowry. It was nothing but the sale of girls. That there should be
castes even amongst namashudras was deplorable and he would strongly advise
them to abolish all caste-distinctions amongst themselves. And in this they
should bear in mind the opinion the speaker had often expressed that all
caste-distinctions should be abolished, and there should be only one caste,
namely, bhangis and all Hindus should take pride in being called bhangis and
nothing else. This applied to the namashudras as well.
When child marriages were
abolished, naturally there would be few, if any, young widows. As a general
rule he was for one man one wife for life, and one woman one husband for life.
Custom had familiarized women in the so-called higher castes with enforced
widowhood. Contrary was the rule with men. He called it a disgrace, but whilst
society was in that pitiable condition, he advocated widow remarriage for all
young widows. He believed in equality of the sexes and, therefore, he could
only think of the same rights for women as men. -16-3-47, 67.
The Choice of Mates and Social
Interference
(Referring to a case of suicide,
Gandhiji wrote:)
In my opinion such marriages as
are interdicted in a particular society cannot be recognized all at once or at
the will of the individual. Nor has society or relatives of parties concerned
any right to impose their will upon and forcibly curtail the liberty of action
of the young people who may want to contract such marriages. In the instance
cited by the correspondent both the parties had fully attained maturity. They
could well think for themselves. No one had a right forcibly to prevent them
from marrying each other if they wanted to. Society could at the most refuse to
recognize the marriage, but it was the height of tyranny to drive them to
suicide.
Marriage taboos are not universal
and are largely based on social usage. The usage varies from province to
province and as between different divisions. This does not mean that the youth
may ride rough-shod over all established social customs and inhibitions. Before
they decide to do so, they must convert public opinion to their side. In the
meantime, the individuals concerned ought patientlyto bide their time, or if
they cannot do that calmly and quietly to face the consequences of social
ostracism.At the same time it is equally the duty of society not to take up a
heartless, step-motherly attitude towards those who might disregard r break the
established conventions. In the instance described by my correspondent the
guilt of driving the young couple to suicide certainly rests on the shoulders
of society if the version that is before me is correct. - H, 29-5-37. 125.
Q. You advocate inter-caste
marriages. Do you also favour marriages between Indians professing different
religions? Should they declare themselves as belonging to no denomination, or
can they continue their old religious practices and yet intermarry? If so, what
form should the marriage ceremony take? Is it to be a purely civil function or
a religious function?
Do you consider religion to be
exclusively a personal matter?
A. Though Gandhiji admitted that
he had not always held the view, he had come to the conclusion long ago that an
inter -religious marriage was a welcome event whenever it took place. His
stipulation was that such connection was not a product of lust. In his opinion
it was no marriage. It was illicit intercourse. Marriage in his estimation was
a sacred institution. Hence there must be mutual friendship, either party
having equal respect for the religion of the other. There was no question in
this of conversion. Hence the marriage ceremony would be performed by the
priests belonging to either faith. This happy event could take place when the
communities shed mutual enmity and had regard for the religions of the world. -
H, 16-3-47, 63.
Q. You say that you are in favour
of inter religious marriages, but at the same time you say that each arty
should retain his or her own religion and, therefore, you said, you tolerated
even civil marriages. Are there any instances of parties belonging to different
religions keeping up their own religions to the end of their lives? And is not
the institution of civil marriage a negation of religion and does it not tend
towards laxity of religion?
A. Gandhiji said that the
questions were appropriate. He had no instances in mind where the parties had
clung to their respective faiths up to death, because these friends whom he
knew had not yet died. He had, however, under his observation men and women
professing different religions and each clinging to his or her own faith
without abatement. But he would go so far as to say that they need not wait for
the discovery of past instances. They should create new ones so that timid ones
may shed their timidity.
As to civil marriages, he did not
believe in them, but he welcomed the institution of civil marriage as a much
needed reform for the sake of reform. - H, 16-3-47, 67.
Marriage and Love
A correspondent laid down the
following conditions of marriage : (I) Mutual attraction or love; (2) Eugenic
fitness; (3) Approval and consent of the respective families concerned; and
consideration for the interest of the social order to which one belongs; (4)
Spiritual development.
I accept generally the conditions
for an ideal marriage enumerated by my correspondent. But I would change their
order of importance and put ‘love' last in the list. By giving it the first
place, the other conditions are liable to be overshadowed by it altogether and
rendered more or less nugatory. Therefore, spiritual development ought to e
given the first place in the choice for marriage. Service should come next,
family considerations and the interest of the social order should have the
third place, and mutual attraction or ‘love' the fourth and the last place.
This means that ‘love' alone, where the other three conditions are not
fulfilled, should not be held as a valid reason for marriage. At the same time,
marriage where there is no love should equally be ruled out even though all the
other conditions are fully complied with. I should score out the condition of
eugenic fitness, because the begetting of offspring being the central purpose
of marriage, eugenic fitness cannot be treated as a ‘condition'; it is the sine
qua non of marriage. - H, 5-6-37, 131.
The Married Estate
A sister, who is a good worker,
and was anxious to remain celibate in order to serve better the country's
cause, has recently married having met the mate of her dreams. But she imagines
that in doing so she has done wrong and fallen from the high ideal which she
had set before herself. I have tried to rid her mind of this delusion. It is no
doubt an excellent thing for girls to remain unmarried for the sake of service,
but the fact is that only one in a million is able to do so. Marriage is a
natural thing in life, and to consider it derogatory in any sense is wholly
wrong. When one imagines any act a fall it is difficult, however hard one
tries, to raise oneself. The ideal is to look upon marriage as a sacrament and
therefore to lead a life of self-restraint in the married estate. Marriage in
Hinduism is one of the four ashrams. In fact the other three are based on it.
The duty of the above-mentioned
and other sisters who think like her is, therefore, not to look down upon
marriage but to give it its due place and make of it the sacrament it is. If
they exercise the necessary self-restraint, they will find growing within
themselves a greater strength for service. She who wishes to serve will
naturally choose a partner in life who is of the same mind, and their joint
service will be the country's gain. - H, 22-3-42, 88.
Divorce
Marriage confirms the right of
union between two partners to the exclusion of all the others when in their
joint opinion they consider such union to be desirable, but it confers no right
upon one partner to demand obedience of the other to one's wish for union. What
should be done when one partner on moral or other grounds cannot conform to the
wishes of the other is a separate question. Personally, if divorce was the only
alternative, I should not hesitate to accept it, rather than interrupt my moral
progress, assuming that I want to restrain myself on purely moral grounds. -YI,
8-10-25, 346.
Widow Remarriage
The total of 1921 is a trifle
higher than for the two (previous) decades They only demonstrate still further
the enormity of the wrong done to the Hindu girl widows. We cry out for
cow-protection in the name of religion, but we refuse protection to the girl
widow. In the name of religion we force widowhood upon our three lakhs of girl
widows who could not understand the import of the marriage ceremony. To force
widowhood upon little girls is a brutal crime for which we Hindus are daily
paying dearly. If our conscience was truly awakened there would be no marriage
before 15, let alone widowhood, and we would declare that these three lakhs of
girls were never married. Voluntary widowhood consciously adopted by a woman
who has felt the affection of a partner adds grace and dignity to life,
sanctifies the home and uplifts religions itself. Widowhood imposed by religion
or custom is an unbearable yoke and defiles the home by secret vice and
degrades religion.
If we would be pure, if we would
save Hinduism, we must rid ourselves of this poison of enforced widowhood. The
reform must begin by those who have girl widows taking courage in both their
hands and seeing that the child widows in their charge are duly and well
married - not remarried. They were never really married. - YI, 5-8-26, 276.
Widow-remarriage is no sin - if
it be, it is as much a sin as the marriage of a widower is. All widowhood is
not holy. It is an adornment to her who can observe it. If this sister has the
courage, then let her speak out her mind to her uncle and brothers and seek
their help. It they cannot assist in the marriage, then the sister will have to
quit their house and take refuge in some widow-remarriage institution. -
(Translated from the Hindi Navajivan of 9-5-29.)
Some Brahman students told me
that they cannot follow this principle, that they cannot get Brahman girls
sixteen years old, very few Brahmans keep their daughters unmarried till that
age, the Brahman girls are married mostly before 10, 12 and 13 years. Then I
say to the Brahman youth, ‘Cease to be Brahman if you cannot possibly control
yourself. Choose a grown up girl of 16 who became a widow when she was a child.
If you cannot get a Brahman widow who has reached that age, then go and take
any girl you like. And I tell you that the God of the Hindus will pardon that
boy who has preferred to marry out of his caste rather than ravish a girl of
twelve.' - YI, 15-9-27, 314.
The Purdah
Chastity is not a hot-house
growth. It cannot be protected by the surrounding wall of the purdah. It must
grow from within, and to be worth anything it must be capable of withstanding
every unsought temptation. - YI, 3-2-27, 37.
And why is thee all this morbid
anxiety about female purity? Have women any say in the matter of male purity?
We hear nothing of women's anxiety about men's chastity. Why should men
arrogate to themselves the right to regulate female purity? It cannot be
superimposed from without. It is a matter of evolution from within and
therefore of individual self-effort. - YI, 25-11-26, 415.
Q. Do you not think that a strict
enforcement of the purdah system would improve the moral condition of women?
A. Gandhiji was warned by some
Muslim critics against speaking on the purdah. He had therefore some hesitation
in speaking about it. But he took heart when he turned round and saw that many
Hindu women observed it and that numerous Malaya Muslim women of whom he had
many friends did not observe the purdah. He also knew many distinguished Muslim
women of India who did not observe it. Lastly the real purdah was of the heart.
A woman who peeped through the purdah and contemplated a male on whom her gaze
fell violated the spirit behind it. If a woman observed it in spirit, she was
truly carrying out what the great Prophet had said. - H, 23-3-47, 78.
Co-education
I cannot definitely state as yet
whether it will be successful or not. It does not seem to have succeeded in the
West. I tried it myself years ago when I even made boys and girls sleep in the
same verandah with no partition between them, Mrs. Gandhi and myself sharing
the verandah with them. I must say it brought undesirable results.
Q. But do not worse things happen
in purdah-ridden communities?
A. Yes, of course, but
co-education is still in an experimental stage and we cannot definitely say one
way or the other as to its results. I think we should begin with the family
first. There boys and girls should grow together freely and naturally. Then
co-education will come of itself. - ABP, 12-1-35.
Contraception
If it is contended that birth
control is necessary for the nation because of over-population, I dispute the
proposition. It has never been proved. In my opinion, by a proper land-system,
better agriculture and a supplementary industry, this country is capable of
supporting twice as many people as there are today. But I have joined hands
with the advocates of birth control in India from the standpoint of the present
political condition of the country. - YI, 2-4-125, 118.
Q. For the sake of the mother
whose health is drained away by too many children and for the sake of children
themselves, may not birth control through contraceptives be resorted to as the
next best thing to self-control?
A. Women should have to resist
their husbands. If contraceptives are resorted to, frightful results will
follow. Men and women will be living for sex alone. They will become
soft-brained, unhinged, in fact mental and moral wrecks.
Q. Even in exceptional cases
where women are too weak for childbearing or where either of the parents is
diseased can't this method be resorted to?
A. No. In cases stated above it
is better that husband and wife should live apart.
I consider it inhuman to impose
sterilization law on the people. But in cases of individuals with chronic
diseases, it is desirable to have them sterilized if they are agreeable to it.
Sterilization is a sort of contraceptive and though I am against the use of
contraceptives in case of women, I do not mind voluntary sterilization in case
of man since he is the aggressor.
(Mrs. Nair asked if
contraceptives were not permitted, how the population problem could be solved;
to which Gandhiji replied that nature would solve the problem. If people
multiplied like rabbits, they will die like rabbits.) ABP, 12-1-35.
Q. Is the reason you object to
artificial means of birth control because of the means or the act?
A: Yes. I object for the latter
reason. I have felt that during the years still left to me if I can drive home
to women's minds the truth that they are free, we shall have no birth control
problem in India. If they will only learn to say ‘no' to their husbands when
they approach them carnally..... The real problem is that they do not want to
resist them.
Q. You are giving them advice
which they cannot accept. Would it not make their condition worse?
A. Not if they learn the art of
resistance. It boils down to education. I want woman to learn the primary right
of resistance. She thinks now that she has now got it. Among the women of India
it is most difficult to drive home this truth. If I were to devote myself to
birth control I would miss this primary education.
The case for birth control is not
hopelessly weak, otherwise these brilliant men would not be aligned with it. If
you eliminate birth control there would be other methods. As soon as you agree
to eliminate certain methods as harmful, you are bound to find others. In the
cases you tell of, as soon as I made the discovery I would have seen to it that
the men and women were separated.
Q. But what about the woman's
economic condition? She has had no preparation to support herself, especially
in India. She has depended upon marriage and her husband for maintenance and
her bread and butter. Who is to take care of the children? You must think of
these things when you suggest separation.
A. You must devise means. I might
suggest that the State take care of them. Or the law might be called in to give
a divorce. At present, divorce is granted on grounds of infidelity. In the
future it may be granted on grounds of health. Even then some hard cases will
occur.
Q. Mr. Gandhi, there are
thousands, millions, who regard your word as that of a saint. How can you ask
them who are so humble, so weak, to follow, when you who are so much stronger
and wiser, have taken years to bring about that self-control in your life?
Mr. Gandhi just smiled. - Mrs.
Margaret Sanger in Asia, November 1936, pp. 698-702.